Now, THAT'S More Like It!

Twenty minutes. Yes, I repeat, a TWENTY minute bed time tonight for the Little Miss. BOO-YAH!!

(For reference, this is in comparison to the 2 and 1/2 hour bed time just last night.... grrr.)

Hellooo, 2011!

It's the start of a new year and another set of (all of the same) resolutions. Whether I stick with them or not, which is almost always the case, it seems somehow important to establish some goals for the year. So, here we go...

#1 - Weight loss! I need to lose 67 pounds (officially) to reach my goal weight of 155 lbs. Please, don't bother with the math, just know that it's too much. Will bought me a Body Bugg to aid in this. I guess I better charge the batteries and start using it. My biggest effort today was drinking 64 ounces of water (and peeing out approximately 128). Apparently, I am not dehydrated. This need to lose weight has been a thorn in my side since I gave birth to Maya, three and a half years ago. I'm at my heaviest, non-pregnant weight I have EVER been, and I'm miserable and ready for a change. Now, I just need to find the ambition to make that change!

#2 - BLOG! I always say that I want to blog because I have so many memories, photos, sayings from the kids that I don't want to forget, yet I continually fail to make it a priority in my daily life. My goal is to write one entry a day, even if it is just a line or two. I'd be happy with a quote-a-day from the kids. That shouldn't be too difficult! If I can keep my hands busy typing, they will be less busy eating. I always enjoy a kill-two-birds-with-one-stone kind of opportunity. I wonder if DOING one thing so NOT to do something else qualifies as multitasking? I think so.

There you have it, my two "resolutions". There are definitely more things I'd like to focus on this year, but they are more subjective and harder to count as an actual resolution. Such as, I hope that by the time Liam is getting into a big-boy-bed, I am able to tuck Maya in at night, without having to bribe, yell, stand guard, or threaten her (with taking her Barbies out of her bed, losing jewels, etc...). I just want the day to end with a PEACEFUL night-time ritual. Every night. I hate the nights, like tonight, when I have to confiscate all four Barbies, take away the opportunity for earning jewels, and threaten to take away the very thing that she just earned with her jewels (a Mommy-Daddy-Maya date to see "Tangled"), all the while she's crying, and I'm so mad, I feel like my head is going to explode! That is NO way to end a day with your child. No matter how great the day was up to that point, THAT bed time ends up being the ONE event that stands out in your mind from the entire day. It sucks. I am praying that this will get better. It has to. For the sake of our relationship (meaning mine and Maya's), it just has to.

Another goal with the kids, which is totally cliché because anyone with kids feels this way, is to take more time to just spend with them. It really does my heart good to be there, actively playing with them or just watching them discover something new or use their imaginations to play, and I need to stop obsessing over the house, the laundry, the kitchen, and Facebook and REALLY take the time to be part of these moments. Don't get my wrong, I spend quite a bit of time playing with/entertaining the kids, but there could be more. This last year has gone by in a blur, and I don't want to miss these moments. I can't get this time back. Ever. When the mountain of laundry seems super-important, I need to remember that. They are only little once. I only get one chance at this, and I want to give them my all. They deserve it.

What they also deserve, perhaps more than anything else, is the confirmation through mine and Will's actions, that our relationship is rock solid. It's important for kids to know that's one thing they don't have to worry about. Will and I know all too well the consequences of failed marriages, and though we both turned out normal (hey, no comments from the peanut gallery, okay?), that is definitely NOT something we want for our kids. Sometimes, though, with our busy schedules and crazy lives, we take each other for granted. We assume the other is "okay", when we haven't checked in and don't really know. Things go unsaid for fear of hurting the other's feelings. Other things are assumed. We get short-tempered and moody with each other. We continue to think that the other has the capacity to read our minds. SO NOT TRUE, and I'm probably the MOST guilty of this! Our apparent lack of good communication skills has to change because I fear that poor communication alone can be detrimental to a marriage. Maybe it's because we're both Taurus's, which basically means we are both bull-headed and stubborn, that we're poor communicators. Maybe it's because not communicating is just easier. Maybe. I don't know. What has been suggested by several of our friends, who have all experienced this, is for us to read "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. This suggests that everyone has their own "love language", which is the type of communication that we respond the most favorably to. The problem arises when two people are communicating in two different "languages". This book would help both Will and I discover which "language" we favor, which is huge for knowing how to communicate effectively with each other! I mean, we've been together for almost 12 years (WOW! That's almost 1/2 my lifetime!), so we're doing something right! However, we have the rest of our (hopefully long) lives to look forward to spending together, so I can't see how it would hurt us to communicate more effectively! Again, don't panic or think we are on the brink of d-i-v-o-r-c-e because we're not. Marriage takes work, and we need to work on ours. There is room for improvement in EVERY relationship, and because I love Will SO much, I want to improve ours. There is certainly nothing wrong with that.

Which leads me to something else... my Mom would say (in regards to the kids), "But you DO spend a lot of time playing with them! Don't beat yourself up over it!" And, she's right! I'm my own worst critique. Aren't we all? I do have (and if my memory serves me correctly) and always have had the tendency to expect perfection from myself and beat myself down if I don't deliver, which is pretty much always! I need to learn to cut myself some slack, give myself a little grace, and MAYBE I wouldn't feel the need to fret about things like I mentioned in the prior two paragraphs. I AM a good mom. I AM a good wife. I AM a good friend, daughter, sister, etc..., but I feel like I could do a better job in all of these roles. I know I could, however, I have to remember that relationships aren't perfect. Life's not perfect, and I need to give myself some credit when credit is due. Sometimes I have to ask myself, "Would I be mad if Maya did or didn't do such and such?" Usually the answer is a very solid "No", so I can only say to myself, "Then STOP worrying about it!" Geesh! If only I could give myself a break every once in a while!

I'm really hoping that my increasing involvement in our church will help figure some of these things out. I feel the best when I am doing something to help someone else, and my new role as a Deacon should feed that desire to serve. I think this is going to give me the opportunity to grow closer, not only to my church family, but also to God. I have taken an active role as a Christian Educator this last year, teaching the preschool Sunday school class. That, I am sure, has benefited me more than the children! I'm learning about all of these Bible stories and people, who I don't know anything about, and it's awesome! I am involved in our Not-So-Youth-Group's book club, and I have learned a lot from our meetings and discussions about some of our reading selections. Most recently, we read "The Hiding Place" by Corrie Ten Boom. It is the second time I have read it and most certainly not the last. I found a lot of comfort in the pages of that book. Sometimes pieces of Scripture can speak to me in ways through these books (or a church sermon) that it most definitely wouldn't if I read it (or heard it) in any other context. "The Hiding Place" is a prime example. I found myself dog-earring several pages in the book where stories, Bible passages, or prayers seemed to bring me peace. How odd that prayers being said by sisters in a German concentration camp in the mid-1940's could have relevance in my life today! The timing of this reading couldn't have been better. Later this month, Will and I are heading to Honduras on a mission trip. I will be away from the kids for 10 days, and the reality of this is setting in. I've started to wonder if I'll be able to handle being gone that long. What if the kids miss me or need me? What if I miss them? What if something happens to one or both of us? What if?? What if?? I've started to drive myself CRAZY with these "what if's", but what I learned from Corrie Ten Boom is that there is no "what if" in God's world! I have to trust that this mission, our kids, and WE are in His hands, and that whatever will be is according to His plan. Ah! That's hard to accept for a control-freak like me! It's SO HARD. But, I'm trying. I really am, and I think the proof that it's absolutely true is the peace that I felt after reading it. It was peace that I had most recently NOT felt about this trip. I have to trust in God and understand that it's not MY plan, it's His. If you would have asked me just one year ago, "What role do you think you will have in the church not just within the year, but EVER?" I would have assumed that I would be attending regularly. Period. I never imagined in my wildest dreams that I would, in one year, teach VBS for a week, go on a mission trip to Honduras where I'll be teaching VBS again, be a part of the Christian Ed. department, teaching Sunday school on a regular basis, become a Deacon, or be enrolled in a Parish Nursing program with the goal to administer to our church congregation in a nursing role! Are you kidding me? God has some plans for me, and I feel as long as I continue to be open to these plans, I'll be okay. Everything will work itself out, and I'll be just fine. I do believe that by serving other people, I will be serving the Lord, and by doing so, I'll gain that inner peace that I struggle so hard to find.

Hmmm.... so, I started with the new year's resolutions and ended with a synopsis of my current spiritual state. I'm not so sure that it all fit together, but it all seemed relevant. There you have it. My hopes, fears, and goals for 2011. Probably more than you bargained for when you started reading this post! Here's wishing all of my loved ones health, happiness, and love in this new year!

I'm Dreaming of a Pillow Pet!

Tonight, our sitter, Alyssa, came over to put the kids to bed, so I could go to dance class (which as it turns out, is canceled this week and next for Christmas break). When she got to our house, I gave her a couple of Christmas gifts for being such a great sitter. We REALLY do appreciate our sitters (first, Hilary, whom we still miss... and most recent, Alyssa and Britni) because they are our only means to having a social life! Without having any family in the area, we depend on them for ALL of our childcare needs. So, to express our love and gratitude, we give them a Christmas gift. One of the gifts that Alyssa opened was a plush, fleecy blanket, rolled up and secured with a strip of cloth. As she pulled it out of the bag, I heard a sharp intake of breath from Maya, followed anxiously by the question, "Is it a Pillow Pet... or no?" HAHAHAHA...... I love the hopeful innocence that would anticipate the possibility that the coveted Pillow Pet just might emerge from the gift bag... for the sitter. Oh my word. I thought I was going to lose it. How darn cute is that?! You know she couldn't wait to play with it, if that indeed was the contents of the bag. Don't worry, readers, she IS getting one for Christmas. Gramma Cindy has a purple hippo Pillow Pet with her name ALL over it. I cannot wait to see her open it!

On another note, Little Miss was given the opportunity to earn 5 jewels tonight if she went to bed and to sleep when it was time for lights out. When I returned home at 9:30pm, she was STILL awake and had been out of her bed, manipulating Alyssa, three times! Grrr..... I took her upstairs and told her she still had the chance to earn two jewels tonight. She started to cry because she wanted five jewels, so she can fill up her vase to get her Beauty and the Beast thing. She did not think it was fair that she wasn't allowed to start over with the five jewel offer from me. She's quite the negotiator (or at least, tries to be)! Anyway, after one more warning and lost jewel, she finally settled in and fell asleep. I wonder if, in the morning, she'll realize what she could have had (5 jewels) and be bummed that she's only getting one? I'm anxious to reward her, so hopefully it will up the ante, showing her that she does get something awesome for earning the jewels. I think her vase will be full in a day or two, and we'll see!

Crayons for Kids

As part of our mission trip, coming up this winter, I have decided to do a new and used crayon drive. It was brought to my attention by Wayne, the HIS director, that most of the kids in Comayagua, Honduras do not have access to crayons, and they LOVE to color during VBS. He told me that some of the moms even stay with the littler kids and ask if they can color. During our 15-20 minute phone conversation to discuss VBS, he mentioned the word "crayons" about 20 times. The message was loud and clear, "Get crayons to these children, and they will be very happy!" He also shared with me that in the past, his church has replenished their Sunday school crayons, and he took the used ones to Honduras. They don't need brand new, sharp, shiny crayons. They are just as happy with the broken ones with torn wrappers. You know, the ones that we throw away? It was one of the saddest things I have ever heard. Our kids take for granted that when they want to color, there is a big container of crayons in the kitchen drawer. The kids in Honduras don't have that luxury. My goal is to be able to send every kid that goes through our VBS program home with (at least) one snack baggy full of crayons. That would be AWESOME! I feel good about this crayon drive because I'm not really soliciting anything that anyone would have to spend money on. I mean, if someone wants to go out and buy new crayons, that's their choice, and I'd be just as happy to take them to the kids. Really, though, what I'm soliciting are the cast-offs. The broken scraps of crayons that everybody has in some container, drawer, bag, or closet... the ones that are headed to the trash. I hope this will inspire people to clean out their junk drawers, dig out their old crayons, and pass them on to me. I will take them to children, who will be so grateful. Think about that.... something we consider trash is like gold to them.I asked Maya to help me decorate this box, and she was more than happy to do so, with crayons, of course. While we worked, I explained to her about the kids not having crayons, "...and wouldn't it be nice to give some of ours to them?" She happily took the crayons out of her own box and tossed them in the bag. What a generous girl! Tonight, while we were reading books before bed, I told her that we need to go through our books and choose some to take some to church for other kids, who don't have any books at all (for another drive to send books to West Virginia). She looked very sad for a moment, then her face lit up as she said, "Like the crayons, Mommy?" YES!! Just like the crayons. Already, she has a loving, giving spirit, and I couldn't be more proud of her. What an angel.

Like a Bull in a China Shop...

Tonight, Maya was intent on painting her fingernails, by herself, so I ripped some paper out of a magazine to place under the polish bottles and her hands and set her up at the kitchen table. I was so focused on what she was doing and making sure that she didn't spill her bottles, that I neglected to put the cap back on the polish REMOVER bottle I was using. Yep. You guessed it! While I was focusing all my attention on Maya, my little BULL came flying over the top of the table, knocking the polish remover bottle over in the process. NOOOO!!! I jumped up and ran across the kitchen to grab paper towels to mop up the mess. I could almost hear the chemicals eating away at the finish on the table. Sure enough, we now have a nice oval-ish shaped medium brown-whitish discoloration, about the diameter of a dinner plate, right in the middle of our espresso-colored table. There's also a smaller spot next to it, about the size and shape of Liam's palm... wonder how that got there? I was sooo annoyed - at myself, for being so careless. I never said a word to Liam about the accident because it was just that, an accident. We just moved the entire operation to the island, where I think the corian counter top is safe. (fingers crossed.)

Word of the Day...

"VAMPIRATES" - a cross between a vampire and a pirate, or just Maya's understanding of the word "vampire". I love it!!

"Awesome."

A couple of days ago, I had the brilliant idea to move the kids' little table and two chairs down into our kitchen. I thought the novelty of having a new place to sit that's "just theirs" would suddenly inspire them to sit through an entire meal or at least long enough to eat what was on their plates. Wrong!

Tonight, Liam was having a ball wearing Maya's pink, heart-shaped, princess sunglasses, and he ended up wearing them during dinner. Well, he repeatedly got up from the table, and Will repeatedly warned him to sit down or he would have to go to time-out. Finally, after about the fifth warning, Will got up from the table, marched over to the sink to retrieve the washcloth, and went over to Liam to wash his hands. He had enough. As he was wiping Liam up, he explained that he was going to time-out because he would not stay in his chair. In response to the lecture, Liam calmly mutters, "Awesome." Bwahhahahahahaa.... I thought I was going to bust a gut, trying to hold in the laughter! Will managed to keep a straight face and walked him over to time-out, where he sat, completely unphased, for his full minute. Oh. My. Word. Don't forget, this entire time, he was still sporting the pink princess sunglasses! This kid.... I don't even know what to say about him, except, WE ARE IN TROUBLE! He has class clown written all over him!

ps... the picture was actually taken in November. This was "back-blogged/dated", so the pic is actually from the future! Notice that he is back at the big table and strapped into his high chair??