For those of you who just want the nitty-gritty, down and dirty facts, here you go:
Length of labor: 21.5 hours, had an epidural, pushed (without the epidural) for 2.5 hours, got a 3rd degree tear, ended up finding stretch marks and a linea nigra the day after delivery!
May 29th, 10:30pm- started induction with med to soften cervix
May 30th, 12:30am- started having contractions/back labor (Maya was sunny-side-up)
7:00am- dilated to 1-2cm, 70% effaced, contractions about 2 minutes apart
8:45am- got my epidural
5:00pm- dilated to 6cm, 90% effaced, -1 station
5:40pm- dilated to 9cm, 90% effaced, -1-0 station
7:00pm- spiked a fever
7:30pm- completely dilated/effaced, 0 station, started pushing, epidural ran out - not to be refilled. : (
10:01- Maya was born!
Maya's stats: 7 lbs. 13 oz., 18.5 inches, small cafe-au-lait birthmark on her back, small "divit-like" birthmark on top of left ear (just like her Mommy!), eyes- slate gray, hair- short/straight/light brown, found to be a bit jaundice before leaving hospital (bilirubin 10.4 upon discharge). PERFECT IN EVERY WAY!
For those of you with more time on your hands and/or who want more detail about my experience, read on:
Tuesday, May 29th: Um, Excuse Me?!
With the sudden decline in Will's grandma's health, we decided that we didn't really have to time to continue sitting around waiting for my contractions to begin or my water to break. We didn't want to end up in a situation where Will had to make the choice between attending his grandma's funeral or being here for the birth of his baby. We decided that we would request an early induction. So, I called my OB's office this morning, explained the situation, and they said they would get back to me. Less than 2 hours later, they called back and told me that I needed to be at the hospital by 10pm tonight. (And here's my thought process upon hearing that news... Uh, WHAT?! TONIGHT??! Holy smokes. Wow... I didn't think it would be TONIGHT! So, TODAY is our LAST day together as a couple?? The stuff we're doing right now are the last things we will EVER do as a family of two? Holy crap. Are we ready for this?) So, I thanked the receptionist and told Will the news. His response? "Are you serious?? Oh my gosh, I'm getting nervous already. My heart just started racing!" As you can see, we have been very anxious to get this show on the road, but when we found out that we would have our baby in less than 48 hours... that was just weird! We knew it would be soon, but it was a bit overwhelming when there was an actual time line to look forward to.
Our last day as a two-some went like this: We found out that news on the way to the photography studio to preview and purchase our pictures (which are posted at
http://www.modernphotographics.com/ under "client events", "Deaton Maternity", then type in our email address
rndonmi@comcast.net to view them all). We ate lunch at Jimmy John's (the best sub place ever!), signed up for car insurance at State Farm, went out for dinner at Bar Louie (a bar/restaurant with outside seating), and then we stopped at the Cone Shop (a.k.a. "our ice cream place") for dessert. I considered the dinner and dessert to be my "last meal" because I knew they would start starving me as soon as I got to the hospital.
At 8:30pm, I called the OB floor to make sure I was still scheduled to come in for the induction at 10:00pm (sometimes they cancel them based on staffing and patient load, so I was instructed to call to double check before heading to the hospital). When I told the secretary my name, she said, "You were supposed to be here at 8:00pm! We've been waiting on you!" I laughed and asked her if she was joking. She said no. I said you're kidding. She said no again. OH MY GOSH! NOW I'M LATE FOR MY OWN INDUCTION! I told them I would be there as soon as I could, and I jumped into the shower. I figured it would be awhile before I had another opportunity to take one, and I had to scrub-a-dub before going into the hospital where I would have everybody in my business (if you know what I mean!). As soon as I got dressed, we threw everything into the car and headed to the hospital to have a baby! Talk about an adrenaline rush!!
When we got to the hospital at 9:00pm, we were taken to my room where I changed into my gown and got into bed. Kristi, my nurse, was a girl I had worked with in the ER, so that was pretty cool. She was really nice and took good care of me through the night, and she got my IV started on the first try! The resident came in right away to explain what the induction involved. He answered all of my questions and chatted with us for a little while. He was really nice and informative. Kristi hooked me up to the toco monitor to keep track of my contractions and Maya's heartbeat. Maya kept moving a ton, so she had a hard time keeping her on the monitor. She repositioned the monitor several times and kept commenting on Maya's constant activity. At 10:35pm, the resident checked my cervix and inserted Cervidil (a flattened-tampon-shaped suppository that is placed right next to the cervix). The medication is supposed to "ripen" the cervix, making it softer, leading to further dilation and effacement. At the time it was inserted, I was dilated to 1+ cm, 60% effaced, and -3 station (how far the baby has moved down the birth canal... +3 is close to delivery). After the Cervidil was placed, Kristi started some IV fluids to help keep me hydrated (and make me pee every hour on the hour!). I was having very mild contractions, similar to the ones I had been having for the last few weeks, where I just felt tightening in my belly without any pain. At 11:45pm, Will went home to get some sleep. I was just going to be sleeping in the hospital anyway, so we figured he would rest better in our bed than in a hospital cot. He was quite nervous and anxious when he left, so I didn't anticipate that he would sleep very well. After he left, I called mom and talked to her for awhile. It was kind of lonely in the hospital without someone to talk to! Thank goodness for free minutes on the cell phone!
Wednesday, May 30th: LABOR OF LOVE
At 12:30am, I started having "period-type" cramping contractions. They were quite mild, so I tried to ignore them. Our friend, Missy, came up for a visit after her shift in the ER. It was SO NICE to have some company because it was very boring being in the room alone! After Missy left, I called Will and talked to him for a little bit. He had talked to his mom, and Nanny was still hanging on. We were quite hopeful that she would hang on until Maya made her entrance into the world. I tried to go to sleep after talking to Will, but HELLO, I was going to be a mom in less than 24 hours!! I couldn't fall asleep no matter how hard I tried! I knew I needed to get some sleep because we had a BIG day ahead of us. I would be meeting my daughter for the first time, and I knew I needed my rest to make that happen. So, I laid there and laid there. I tossed and turned (as well as a hugely pregnant lady can while attached to monitors and and IV!). The tech, also named Kristy, kept coming in to readjust my monitor and help me to the bathroom. That poor girl earned her money that night because I swear she was in there at least once an hour!
At 3:30am, I asked for some Tylenol for back pain that I stupidly assumed was related to the extremely uncomfortable hospital bed. When the tech brought the Tylenol in, she asked me if I could hear my neighbor pushing and said she had been pushing for a long time. No, I couldn't hear her, thank goodness! I called mom again to complain about the back pain, the bed, and to just talk to keep me company. By 4:30am, I couldn't tolerate laying in the bed anymore, so I was sitting on the edge when the nurse came in to check on me. My contractions were 2-4 minutes apart, and they felt like bad period cramps and worse back pain. The belly cramping was tolerable, but the back pain was getting pretty bad. It was then that I realized I was officially in labor! I called Will, who was actually sleeping (to my surprise), so I told him never mind and to go back to sleep. I really wanted him to come back to the hospital, but I didn't tell him that. I thought it would be better for him to be well-rested. After all, I felt like ONE of us needed to be! I called mom again. I was so thankful that mom was willing to be up most of the night to talk to me because I hated being there by myself, especially when my contractions were getting so much worse. The tech came back in to help me to the bathroom for what seemed like the millionth time, and she told me that my neighbor had to go for a c-section. Goody. By 5:45am, I called Will again and told him that he needed to come back to the hospital. My contractions were closer to 2 minutes apart, and they were continuing to get more intense. The back pain was awful. Will got there shortly after 6:00am, and I was sitting on the labor ball. He began rubbing my back during the contractions while I tried to breathe through them like I learned in childbirth class. I tried changing positions several times. Since I was having such bad back pain, we were assuming that Maya was turned the wrong way. I tried to get into positions that we learned would help to turn the baby, like all-fours. Surprisingly, every position that was supposed to help back pain, made it worse!
The moment of truth finally came at 7:00am, when my doctor came in to remove the Cervidil and check my cervix. I was sure I would be dilated to 4 cm. I kept telling Will that if my contractions continued the way they were, we would be having a baby by noon! With contractions that strong and that close together, I though for sure I had made some good progress. So, the Cervidil was removed without much discomfort or difficulty. Then came the check... OH MY GOSH, WHAT IS GOING ON??! I thought I was going to blast off the head of the bed, through the wall, into the next room. Then I felt a big GUSH of warm fluid fill the bed. He had broken my water and said it was clear. When he was done torturing me, he gave me the news. I was dilated to 1-2 cm and 70% effaced. WHAT?! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! For some reason, the Cervidil did not change my cervix like it should have. The contractions? I don't know where they came from because the Cervidil is not supposed to do that. Will thinks I would have ended up in the hospital that night anyway, judging by the contractions. So, it seems that even though I was induced, labor kind of started on its own. Then, I got the explanation for why that exam and procedure hurt so much. Apparently my cervix was really far back, so he had to reach WAY back there, PULL IT FORWARD, and STRETCH IT OPEN to break my water!! Holy smokes, no wonder! OUCH!! I was CRYING by the time he was done breaking my water. That was not fun. Though I love my doctor, I did not particularly like him at that moment. It was the weirdest feeling after my water broke. My belly went from being huge and water-balloon-like to still huge and very heavy feeling. I could just feel her little body sitting in my gut. Without the fluid, it's a very strange sensation! She did slow down her movements a little more after that, but when she did move, it felt a lot different. There was no buffer between her body and my skin, so her body parts were much more obvious. My contractions started getting even more intense, and unfortunately, I had to stay in bed for a half an hour, so my new nurse, Gremar, could get a good strip of monitoring how well Maya was handling the contractions since having my water broke. I don't think I lasted the entire half hour before I got back out of bed and onto the labor ball. Will continued to rub my back and put pressure on it during the contractions, when the back pain would really get bad. Gremar came back in and asked if I wanted to get into the shower for a little while. Yay!! A shower!! Since I couldn't move without amniotic fluid leaking out, a shower felt so good! The warm water felt really good on my back, and I stayed in the shower as long as I could possibly handle it. I kept getting more and more uncomfortable towards the end of my shower, so I rinsed all the soap off and managed to get out of the shower between contractions. Once I was out, I just wanted to climb back in bed. I remember standing in the bathroom while Will helped me dry off. During contractions, I would lean over the counter or squat down until it was over.
By the time Will helped me back to bed, I was so tired and irritable, I couldn't even focus on the breathing that I had been doing all morning. I remember resting my head on the side rail, laying cross ways in bed, bawling my eyes out. I kept saying, "I'm so tired... I'm so tired." At that point, I decided I should have the epidural sooner rather than later. My nurse came in to check on me, and we asked her to call the anesthesiologist for an epidural. She thought that would be a good idea, and within minutes, the anesthesiologist was at my bedside preparing to start my epidural. It took three separate pokes to get the epidural in place. The first attempt ended when he managed to thread the catheter into a vein in my back. He even commented how amazing it was that he couldn't manage to start an IV in some one's arm, yet he managed to start one in my back. The second attempt was unsuccessful, and the third try was the charm! He could've poked me 100 times. I didn't care. I just wanted pain relief, and just knowing that it was on the way made me feel better. Will had worked with that doctor before, so they chatted during the entire procedure. I was quite annoyed when the doctor would not quit talking even during contractions. It was just nice to focus in silence, not with talk about how they are doing LP's in the ER droning on in the background. Even after he started the epidural, he hung around to make sure I was going to do okay with it, which was nice. However, I felt like I was going to pass out from exhaustion, and he continued to ramble on... and on... and on. Finally, I just closed my eyes, and he got the hint and left. About a half an hour after getting the epidural, my contractions had slowed way down, so my nurse started pitocin to increase the frequency and intensity of my contractions. I would love to report that after the epidural and pitocin were started, I slept the rest of the day away, but that wasn't the case. Between the monitors and pumps beeping, frequent position and pitocin rate changes, and phone calls, I didn't get any sleep.
Around 11am, I saw a head peaking under the curtain, looking into my room. Patti and Missy had just finished education, and they came to tell Will the outcome of the "Jeopardy Challenge". They stayed for a few minutes, then another resident came in to check on my progress. At 11:30am, I was dilated to 3 cm, 80% effaced, -2 station. Still a long way to go, but I didn't care because I was feeling good! My next check came at 2pm, and at that time, I had gained a whole centimeter! Everything else was the same. Only 6 centimeters left to go! Thank God for epidurals!
At 3pm, Will received a devastating call from his mother informing him that his grandmother (Nanny) had passed away. We knew it would be soon, but we really thought that she would hang on until Maya was born. We really just wanted her to hear her first cries. We learned that she finally let go immediately after her pastor read an email that Will had sent to the hospital for Nanny. It was basically a goodbye letter to her, promising to carry on her legacy by teaching Maya all the things that she had taught him and to take good care of her. Will was extremely close to Nanny, and I really think she was waiting for his permission to let go. She had not spoken since the day before she died, when she told Will's sister that her "wedding was perfect (it is scheduled for September 2007), and Maya has a beautiful smile". She knew before we did. She saw her lovely face before we ever knew what she looked like, and she's right. Maya does have a beautiful smile. I guess she probably saw everything. The day she left this world, she helped to usher in a new little life. Later we find out that Maya is born the same day Nanny died. We're expecting Maya to have a little of Nanny in her. If she turns out to be a little sassy-spitfire, we'll know Nanny gave her a little kiss on her way to heaven. Our nurse was kind enough to give us some time and space to grieve for awhile before coming in to continue the turning and pitocin adjustments. It was nice because we needed a little time alone, just to be together and wrap our heads around the news. However much we expected it, somehow it still seemed a little shocking.
At 5pm, I was checked again. I was dilated to 6cm, 90% effaced, and -1 station. Yay! Only 4 more to go! The biggest shocker came when my OB doctor came in to check on my progress at 5:40pm, and I was dilated to 8-9cm, 90% effaced, and at -1 to 0 station. Holy smokes! I had dilated 2-3cm in 40 minutes! He said that one side of my cervix still needed to dilate fully, so my nurse turned me onto my side to put pressure on that side of my cervix. After turning to my side, despite the epidural, my back started aching again. Maya had lodged herself in my left side, where she always hung out the most during the whole pregnancy. I was surprised that I could feel the pain even with the epidural, but the difference was that it was tolerable! It was unpleasant, but I could handle it. At this time, Will decided he better run to the cafeteria and get something to eat. After all, it was going to be showtime very soon! I was very excited that delivery time was drawing near. It had been decided that we would let Maya come down the birth canal on her own as far as we could get her before I started pushing, so I figured that I still had some time to wait because I certainly didn't feel like pushing yet! She still had some traveling to do.
At 7pm Gremar left, and my new nurses came in to meet us. We got two nurses because one of them was just finishing up her orientation to the OB floor, so I felt pretty lucky. I thought we would get a lot of attention since we had two pairs of nursing hands to help us out. Right away, they rechecked my vitals, emptied my bladder, and changed my position in bed. When they checked my temperature, it had jumped up 2 degrees since my last vitals check. It was 99.something, so they informed my doctor. Since it had been 12 hours since he broke my water, there was a concern that I may be developing an infection in my uterus. I was fully dilated and effaced and at 0 station, so my doctor decided that I had better start pushing. Yay! I was excited to finally get the show on the road. I couldn't wait to meet Maya, and I couldn't wait to eat something! It had been a good 24 hours since I had any real food, so I was ready to sink my teeth into anything, really!
7:30pm: The good news? I started pushing. The bad news? My doctor informed me that my epidural medicine was about to run out, and he would not be refilling it because I needed to be able to "feel" my contractions. Uhh, what?? My biggest fear was realized at that point. I told Will when I was about 2 days pregnant that my biggest fear about labor and delivery was having my epidural taken away when I really need it most... during pushing! What could I say? I just nodded my head and let out a very weak, "okay". I was scared out of my mind! So, I started pushing. And I pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed... (now for a disclaimer... I was extremely exhausted, both emotionally and physically, when it came time to push, so I will tell the story as best as I remember it. Will can give better details in the event someone has a question about the whole escapade). I would hear Will every once in awhile ask what station Maya's head was at, and the resident would say, "+1 when she's pushing". Just so you know, + 3 is really good, so even though I felt like I had been pushing for awhile, I knew that I had a long way to go. The doctor had also commented, "She has a big head, so you're going to have to push extra hard". Yippee! Not only do I have to push a little human out of my body, but this human has an extra big head? Fantastic. The nurses and resident kept saying that I was doing a great job and making progress. Let me tell you that I didn't feel like I was making any headway (pun intended). The nurses suggested playing tug-of-war with a sheet. The nurse held one end of a sheet and I held the other end. During contractions, I was supposed to pull on the sheet as if I was trying to pull the nurse towards me, through my legs. It's supposed to help you push in the right spot, and it's really helpful if there's an epidural involved. Well, I would start to have a contraction and grab my end of the sheet, only to find that NOBODY was on the other end! I would then drop the sheet and hold my legs back instead. I was extremely annoyed with my nurses every time that happened... oh yes, it happened several times! I thought that with two nurses, one of them could have paid attention to what was going on! I think about 30 minutes into pushing, I closed my eyes. I was really tired, so I tried to rest as best as I could between contractions. I also did not want to see what was going on around me. I knew that even though they were saying that I was "doing a good job" and that I was "getting close", if the resident didn't have a gown on, the attending wasn't present, and the delivery table wasn't set up, I wasn't anywhere near delivering our baby. I figured the less I knew, the better.
At some point, things started to get a little fuzzy. I remember that my epidural wore off, the pain returned, and I heard my doctor telling the nurses that I needed antibiotics stat. My temperature had risen above 101.something, so he wanted to get antibiotics started right away. The pain was different this time. It was extreme pressure and pain that felt like I was being ripped in half. Will was SO GREAT. He was trying to encourage me by telling me how great I was doing and reminding me that we would be meeting Maya soon. He held my head and counted during the contractions. I remember hearing him say, "Come on, Wendy, you can do it!", and when I was too tired to get through a 3rd push in one contraction, he would say, "Let's GO!" and not let me give up. He was a great support during everything, and I certainly could not have done it without him. My memory gets more vague as time went on... I think around the time my fever spiked, I ripped off my gown because I felt like I was burning up. Despite the fact that I had a bra on, I think I may have embarrassed Will just a bit (sorry, honey!). I also remember hoping that there weren't any women within earshot who hadn't delivered yet because I was pretty sure they would be quite frightened after listening to me. Once the epidural wore off and the pain got really bad, I couldn't help but to make some noise. No, I didn't swear at Will, but I was doing an aweful lot of grunting at the ends of pushes. I also know that at one point I cried over and over, "It hurts! It hurts! It hurts!...", and I think that was about the time that I took my legs out of the stirrups, put them back down on the bed, and declared, "I can't do this!". I'm not sure what I thought would happen. Maybe everyone would say okay, pack up, send us home, and I would stay pregnant forever? Sounded good to me! Actually, I would have sold my soul to the devil for a c-section, and I think in the back of my mind, I thought they would eventually see that I couldn't do it and just take me to the OR. I wasn't too far into pushing when I learned that Maya was turned the wrong way (she was supposed to be facing my back, and she was facing my front instead). That explained all the excrutiating back labor I had earlier in the day! She was "sunny side up" as they call it, though, there really isn't anything "sunny" about it! Since she was faced the wrong way, she kept getting stuck under my pubic bone. Every time I would push, she would rock out, then go right back under my pubic bone. The resident tried SEVERAL times to turn her during contractions. He would get her turned the right way, then as soon as the contraction was over, she would flip back around. We played this game for what seemed like forever! Let me tell you, when you have a baby headed down the birth canal AND someone's HAND also up in there, oh boy, that's a tight fit! Talk about painful!! The labor I had experienced earlier on in the day didn't hold a candle to this pain! I truly thought I was going to end up with a c-section because of all the failed attempts to get her turned the right way for delivery. I would have welcomed it with open arms. ANYTHING to get me out of the situation I was in! I think it was about this time that they put an oxygen mask on me because I was hyperventilating so badly that my arms and legs were tingly and numb, and I thought I was about to pass out. The mask just made me feel more anxious, but every time I turned my head to shake it off, some one just put it right back into place! Annoying!!
Surprisingly, once she started crowning, the pain decreased. I don't know if it was because by that time, I was pretty numb from the trauma that had already occured, or if it was the medication they finally put through my epidural line (I think my doctor seriously thought I was going to give up on pushing, so he finally caved with the medicine!). All I know is that when she finally crowned, I had a renewed burst of energy, and my pushing became extremely effective. The resident had turned her during one of the contractions, and instead of letting her go, he kept ahold of her head until he was certain that she wasn't going to turn around again. It worked. He got her to stay in place, and it seemed to go much better after that. I continued to push and push and push... then I heard my doctor say, "Okay, kiddo (he calls everyone kiddo), your going to tear during the next few pushes." Why, oh why, did I need to know that?? Anyway, I tore, but I was so numb from the rest of the pain that I didn't even feel it! Thank goodness, because I tore really bad. I ended up with a 3rd degree tear (rated on a scale of 1-4, a 3rd degree is through all the muscles to the rectum, but not through the rectum), which they repaired after the delivery. I was still extremely tired, and my pushing, while effective when I was really trying, was starting to slack a little bit. I just didn't have the physical strength to push that well anymore. About the time that the resident left the room to see if he could use a vacuum to help me out, I gave a few really good pushes and REALLY made some progress. The resident returned and immediately gowned up, broke the bed down, and got his delivery equipment ready. We were going to have a baby!
Will was crying by this point... I could hear it in his voice, and he would later tell me that he started crying the moment he could see her head crowning. He's such a sweetheart! I love that he was crying... he was so into the moment and the experience! What a great guy. During the last few pushes, Will was encouraging me to look into the mirror and put my hand down to feel her head coming out. I kept my eyes closed and didn't do either of those things. I regret it now, but at the time, I was afraid that I would find that I wasn't as close to delivery as I thought I was. If I looked or felt and could tell it was still going to be awhile, that would have been really discouraging, and I didn't think I could handle that. Now I know that delivery was actually immenent, and I really should've done what Will said. I really would have liked to see her birth, but I just didn't have it in me at the time. The next thing I knew, her head was out, then her body followed. The moment I felt her entire body out of mine, I opened my eyes to take my first look at our baby girl. They placed her on my belly, and I remember feeling overwhelmed with relief, joy, and happiness that she was finally here. Will cut the umbilical cord, and they collected the blood in the cord blood donation kit. I thought she looked quite purple, and she wasn't crying as well as I would have liked her to be (turns out, her umbilical cord had been wrapped once around her neck). I tried stimulating her by rubbing her back aggressively, but it didn't seem to be helping. I only held her for a few seconds before I asked the nurses to take her to the warmer and suction her out. She looked more cottage-cheesy than I expected, and just looking at her, I could not believe that she was what had been in my belly for all those months. I just could not imagine how that was possible. She was a little person, now independent of my body, free to be on her own. As I listened to her breathe, I was really worried because she sounded like she was struggling a bit. I was scared out of my mind. The nurses took great care of her, though, and they got her airway all cleared out. After giving her some blow-by oxygen, she "pinked up" pretty quickly, and I felt much more relieved once I could hear some really good strong cries.
Once she was all wiped down, the nurses were done with their assessments, and the doctors were done with my repairs, I finally got to hold her again. We tried breastfeeding for the first time. That was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. It was really difficult to get her to latch on right. With a little help from the nurses, she was able to eat for a little bit. After that, they took her to the nursery to get her first bath, her vitamin K shot, and a CBC drawn to check for infection. Normally they do the bath in the room, but I was so exhausted, I just told them to take her to the nursery so I could rest a little bit. They brought me a tray of food, and I passed out sitting up in bed at some point while I was eating. I woke up when our friend, Missy, came in to see how I was doing. She told me that I looked pretty rough. Good, because that's exactly how I felt. She saw Will and Maya in the nursery, so she had gone in to watch her first bath with Will. She stayed to keep me company for a few more minutes until Will came back with Maya. When she came back, I tried to feed her again. Shortly after that, I got out of bed with the assistance of one of the nurses. I was surprised that they came to help because I had pretty much felt abandoned after the delivery! When I tried to stand up to walk back to bed, I felt really woozy, and the nurse said I looked really pale. She made me sit back down on the toilet while she called for help and a wheelchair. Apparently, I wasn't quite stable enough to get out of bed yet. They helped me back to bed and checked my blood pressure (it was fine). A couple of hours later, I got back out of bed with their help, and this time, I did much better, earning myself the ability to get out of bed all by myself from there on out! Yay!
That night, Maya was in her bassinet, and she started crying and rooting around. I picked her up to feed her. She would get latched on, start nursing, and fall asleep. I would put her back in her bassinet, she would wake up, and we would start the cycle over again. We were on our fifth cycle of this at about 4am when the nurse came in to start my next dose of antibiotics. She asked me how I was doing, and I burst out in tears. I told her that Maya was acting like she was starving but that she would fall asleep as soon as I started nursing. I told her that I didn't know what else to do and that my nipples were killing me. She suggested allowing her to take Maya to the nursery to give her a bottle of water, so I could get some much-needed sleep. She told me that I would not be successful in breastfeeding as long as I was this upset. With Will's encouragement, I VERY RELUCTANTLY agreed to let her go with the nurse. After she left, I bawled my eyes out. I was sure that giving her a bottle would ruin breastfeeding forever. That really upset me. I ended up crying myself to sleep, and I woke up with my doctor standing over me at 7:30am. He checked in to see how I was getting along, and I told him about the breastfeeding disaster. He said not to worry, that everything would be fine, and I didn't ruin breastfeeding forever by giving her one bottle. After Maya was seen by the pediatrician, Will got her back from the nursery. I felt so much better after getting a little sleep, so much more ready to take care of a newborn!
The rest of the hospital stay went pretty smoothly. The lactation consultants attempted to help us, but they usually just latched her on then ran out the door. They were always contridicting each other, too, which made me feel more confused than ever. Maya and I were still pretty lost with breastfeeding when we went home, but I was confident that we would get it figured out for ourselves. We had some visitors before we went home, and it was a lot of fun to see people meet her for the first time.
Overall, the experience wasn't at all what I imagined it would be. I think I had really romanticized it in my head. You know, I thought it would be a little more like it is on TV. Silly me. I don't think you can ever prepare for labor and delivery because there is just no way to know what will happen. When it really comes down to it, I wouldn't change anything about the experience for the simple fact that the outcome was a healthy baby and healthy mom, and isn't that all that really matters?
