In a battle of wills, Maya is one fierce competitor! Case in point: Today, Maya went down for a nap at 12:30pm, woke up at 1:15pm, ate for about 30 minutes, then played for another 20 minutes. Toward the end of play-time, she started getting fussy and fidgety, averting her eyes from pretty much everything and burying her face in my neck. Following HER cues, I took her upstairs to her bedroom and started to rock her a bit to get her settled in to take a nap. She started crying. Now here's where the battle began. I started patting her back while "shushing" her quite loudly to break through the volume of her crying (a la Baby Whisperer-style). No response. She continued to cry, turning her head from side to side, continually knocking her pacifier out of her mouth while she rubbed her face on my shoulder. Knowing in my heart that she was tired, I was determined to get her to relax and take a good long nap. Finally she settled down and became limp in my arms as her breathing slowed to a normal rate and her crying subsided. I held her just a bit longer, then attempted to place her in her crib. She was not having any part of that. She started bawling all over again. So, I shushed her while she laid in her crib. I shushed so fiercely that I started to get light-headed! I picked her back up and sat down (before I passed out!) and began rocking her again. Still she cried. Scratch that. She screamed. Loud. In my ear for several minutes. I thought I was going to lose my mind. I continued to shush and pat and then just pat when I felt like I was going to pass out again from shushing so much. Then I sang, then just hummed. And patted. And shushed. You get the idea... I eventually was able to calm her enough to lay her down again. (see "she was not having any part of that" from above and reread through "you get the idea".)
It's very disheartening when you cannot comfort your own baby. We battled this out for an hour at which point, it had been almost 2 hours since she last ate. Finally, I threw in the towel and fed her. I knew since it was so close to 2 hours, there was no way she was going to fall asleep. Just the energy expelled from fighting so hard must have revved up her appetite. She ate for about 10 minutes, then fell fast asleep. Now you might wonder why I didn't feed her sooner to solve the problem. Here's why: When I was pregnant, I read "The Baby Whisperer" not once, but twice. I really liked her philosophy and approach to handling babies, and I thought that when I had Maya, I would follow her principles and teach Maya to be independent while I created some time for myself in the process. Well, Maya was so good and quite easy to take care of for the first couple of months that I didn't make an effort to do anything from the Baby Whisperer's book. Everything seemed to fall into place. She was easy. I fed her every 3 hours during the day, and she slept for 5-7 hour stretches at night. Admittedly, she didn't nap well, but I just figured that she didn't want to miss out on anything. Plus, she slept pretty well during the night, so what did I care (besides the fact that I never got anything done around the house!)? These last few weeks have changed quite a bit. Maya is now eating every 2 hours during the day, still not napping, and starting to be more difficult to put to sleep anytime, day or night. Something has to give. So, I consulted some of my friends that have used the Baby Whisperer (or variations of it) and told them all my problems. What I got in return was a hefty dose of support and advice. I thank you all.
Now, back to why I didn't just feed Maya sooner... The last few days, I have been making a big effort to start us on a routine. I watch Maya like a hawk and respond to her cues as quickly as I recognize them. My goal is to get Maya eating every 3 hours again, and to make her a more independent sleeper. When she started displaying signs of tiredness, I immediately took her upstairs to get ready for a nap. It was not anywhere close to time for her to eat again. She was crying because she was tired, not because she was hungry. When I finally gave in and fed her, she ate for about 10 minutes then fell right to sleep. The problem with that is that all she is getting is the thirst quenching part of my milk. She did not eat long enough to get any of the nutrient-dense hind milk that comes as the dessert course in the order of milk production. That is the milk that will sustain her, that will get her through to 3 hours. Without it, she is just snacking and will always require more frequent feedings. Getting her to stay awake through a feeding is the most challenging part. Even if she has just woken up from a nap, she falls asleep about 5-10 minutes into each feeding. It's so hard to keep her awake! I just want her to get a FULL feeding. That's all!
What's worse than not being able to keep her awake to eat is not being able to comfort her. I hate it when she screams and cries when I am holding her. I can't stand the thought of letting her cry it out in bed, but it's very tempting when I feel like the result is the same, even when she's in my arms. I feel very defeated when I am trying my hardest to make her comfortable, to calm her, to soothe her, and all I get in return are loud cries of protest. I know she doesn't do it to hurt my feelings, but boy, does it ever! I feel like I must be the worse mother on the planet. What mother can't comfort her own baby?! It's a truly awful feeling. I'm hoping that by starting to get us into a routine, she will sleep better and in turn, she will eat better. Once those things are in order, I can regain my sanity. Until then, it will be touch and go. Wish us luck!
It's very disheartening when you cannot comfort your own baby. We battled this out for an hour at which point, it had been almost 2 hours since she last ate. Finally, I threw in the towel and fed her. I knew since it was so close to 2 hours, there was no way she was going to fall asleep. Just the energy expelled from fighting so hard must have revved up her appetite. She ate for about 10 minutes, then fell fast asleep. Now you might wonder why I didn't feed her sooner to solve the problem. Here's why: When I was pregnant, I read "The Baby Whisperer" not once, but twice. I really liked her philosophy and approach to handling babies, and I thought that when I had Maya, I would follow her principles and teach Maya to be independent while I created some time for myself in the process. Well, Maya was so good and quite easy to take care of for the first couple of months that I didn't make an effort to do anything from the Baby Whisperer's book. Everything seemed to fall into place. She was easy. I fed her every 3 hours during the day, and she slept for 5-7 hour stretches at night. Admittedly, she didn't nap well, but I just figured that she didn't want to miss out on anything. Plus, she slept pretty well during the night, so what did I care (besides the fact that I never got anything done around the house!)? These last few weeks have changed quite a bit. Maya is now eating every 2 hours during the day, still not napping, and starting to be more difficult to put to sleep anytime, day or night. Something has to give. So, I consulted some of my friends that have used the Baby Whisperer (or variations of it) and told them all my problems. What I got in return was a hefty dose of support and advice. I thank you all.
Now, back to why I didn't just feed Maya sooner... The last few days, I have been making a big effort to start us on a routine. I watch Maya like a hawk and respond to her cues as quickly as I recognize them. My goal is to get Maya eating every 3 hours again, and to make her a more independent sleeper. When she started displaying signs of tiredness, I immediately took her upstairs to get ready for a nap. It was not anywhere close to time for her to eat again. She was crying because she was tired, not because she was hungry. When I finally gave in and fed her, she ate for about 10 minutes then fell right to sleep. The problem with that is that all she is getting is the thirst quenching part of my milk. She did not eat long enough to get any of the nutrient-dense hind milk that comes as the dessert course in the order of milk production. That is the milk that will sustain her, that will get her through to 3 hours. Without it, she is just snacking and will always require more frequent feedings. Getting her to stay awake through a feeding is the most challenging part. Even if she has just woken up from a nap, she falls asleep about 5-10 minutes into each feeding. It's so hard to keep her awake! I just want her to get a FULL feeding. That's all!
What's worse than not being able to keep her awake to eat is not being able to comfort her. I hate it when she screams and cries when I am holding her. I can't stand the thought of letting her cry it out in bed, but it's very tempting when I feel like the result is the same, even when she's in my arms. I feel very defeated when I am trying my hardest to make her comfortable, to calm her, to soothe her, and all I get in return are loud cries of protest. I know she doesn't do it to hurt my feelings, but boy, does it ever! I feel like I must be the worse mother on the planet. What mother can't comfort her own baby?! It's a truly awful feeling. I'm hoping that by starting to get us into a routine, she will sleep better and in turn, she will eat better. Once those things are in order, I can regain my sanity. Until then, it will be touch and go. Wish us luck!
1 comment:
You don't know me, but I have been lurking on your blog since Maya was born. :) My husband is Brad Irving, the OB resident who helped deliver Maya. Your delivery was one that really stood out for him and when he found out you guys had a blog, he was so excited to show it to me. It's been fun watching her grow. She sure is a cutie!
Anyway, I normally don't comment on the blogs of people I don't know (since I am not a psycho and don't want to seem like one :)) But I just so totally related to your sleep struggles with Maya that I had to say something! BEEN THERE! Our daughter, Carolyn was born in June 06 and she did not sleep through the night until she was 6 months old (and even then, not consistently until about 7 months(. And really the worst part about all that was the books I read! I think I was just too much of a Type A personality to read a book without thinking that everything in it should be applied religiously. I remember feeling guilty for comforting my child at night, stressed out when she fell asleep after a feeding, and like a total failure because she wouldn't sleep through the night (when the books I read told me she should be sleeping by 6 weeks!)
I think the best advice anyone gave me was just to follow my heart. It is no accident that you are Maya's mama... and the best person to adapt life and schedules and sleep to her unique personality is YOU. As long as it's done with love, she will be fine!
There is something so universal about the struggle to get a baby to sleep! I think every mother goes through this, especially with her first child. If you ever want an extra "someone" who has been there (provided you believe me when I say I'm not a psycho :)), feel free to drop me an email at ebirving@gmail.com . You can also check out our blogs which should be listed under my profile. Sometimes I've found it helpful to look back on someone else's experience with a child the same age as mine for clues on things that might work!
Hang in there! This too shall pass!
EB Irving
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